Hottest Women in Sports

Wells wanted to write this, but I beat him to it, feel free to debate the topic. 

Writing this blog post was a challenge, let me tell you. I open myself up to the scrutiny of the masses by goggling beautiful athletic women to put in one place on the internet for you, and what do I get? Well your undying respect and admiration of course. Like Brunce Wayne at the end of The Dark Night, I am what Gotham needs, and its pictures of women in sports. You're welcome.

The other challenge, I mean the one where you don't think I'm a perv, is as a guy, my brain is beautiful woman challenged. Take almost any athletic looking girl and do her up like they do in Maxim or Gear or any of those near-booty-showing magazines, and we are going to think they are attractive. At that point, we're looking at the girls' faces as much as we're reading the articles. What? It's where I get my weather.

Point is what makes a girl attractive to me in sports is being GOOD at sports. If being pretty is your only talent, I have no use for you. So the challenge I pose: The hottest women in sports, with their athletic gear on, as to not spoil the fun. I'm also going to stay away from Russian Tennis players, who quite frankly deserve their own list.

5. Alex Morgan, F, USA Soccer.

The stary eyes, the legs.  Mostly the legs.

Sports cred: The 23 year old Morgan is USA Soccers dynamo up front. She resembles a gnat on offense. She's pesky, quick, and seemingly all over the place. Has a nose for the goal, as evidenced by her 32 international goals. And all of our stolen hearts.

Hottie cred: Does it spoil my rule for this game if I tell you she posed in the last swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated in Body Paint? Again, I'm taking the high road, but It will be really hard for you to find that on google.  

4. Elena Delle Donne, F, Delware

Kind of like a stretched out Helen Hunt...you get it

Sports Cred: One of the best women's basketball players I have ever watched. Led the nation in scoring last year with 28 ppg. Ever watched a girl drop 50 in a game, and have those 'Oh and she's kind of gorgeous moments?'

Hottie Cred: Ok.. So women's basketball is a tough sell. Baggy clothes, manish hairdos, grunting. Fine, I'll cave, what if I told you 6'5, volleyball player, Elena Delle Donne.

...and there goes your imagination

 3. Serena Willaims, Tennis.

Don't you freakin judge me!

See, you are starting to come around

Sports Cred: 15 major championships and a gold medal. Best women's tennis player, EVER..

Hottie cred: I'll be honest, this one didn't take off for me until recently. It was during the Olympics where Serena didn't drop a set, and to be honest everyone looked like they were afraid of her, and who could blame them. 

By the time the final round rolled around,
she was practically snarling

Whatever you think about her, you can't help but look at the body. I mean has there ever been one like that? Don't know what I'd do, but I'd dare not turn her down. Plus she might be stronger than me, which could provide for some unique experience.

Need further proof? Standing next to Sharapova
with no make up, who looks better?

2. Natalie Gulbis: Golf

IT'S IN THE HOLE!  Caddyshack reference, and obviously
applicable here.  Now who is the pervert!

Sports Cred: A few wins here and there...Ok fine I cheated on this one.

Hottie Cred:

Lets just say I respect her for her swing...

1. Jennie Finch, P, USA Softball (retired)

I mean was there ever any doubt? 

Beauty hath a name, and it be Jennie Finch

Sports Cred: Can throw an 85 mph rising curve ball. If that doesn't do if for you I don't know what does. You see that picture(and ones like it on the internet in um, less clothes,) and you think Jennie Finch is an angel. Then you see pictures like this:

Schwaaaaa?!?

And your jaw hits the floor.

Hottie Cred: What makes Jennie Finch so hot, aside from near perfect bone structure, natural blonde hair, blue eyes and a taned, toned body, is that she DOESN'T CARE THAT SHE'S HOT. Finch could have made truck loads of cash endorsing make up or bras or other wierd stuff girls buy, but she was like, 'nah, not for me.' So she's hot, obviously, but she's cool, too. My poor brain could never comprehend such information.

Agree with my list? Think I should have posted bikini pictures? Feel free to share your thoughts.

-Joel

Oh, to be a Cincinnati Sports Fan

Beautiful Cincinnati

Things are looking up in Cincinnati! Now, I know what you’re thinking, a new Skyline Chili downtown? King’s Island is re-opening the Son of Beast? Maybe the Cincinnati Zoo is getting a panda? Nope. Things appear to be heading in the right direction for both of Cincinnati’s major professional sports teams. Let that wash over you for a moment. You heard me right, the perennially hapless Cincinnati Bengals and numbingly mediocre Cincinnati Reds seem to be set up for a period of success.

It is difficult to be a Cincinnati sports fan. The Bengals have won a grand total of one playoff game in my 22 years on this earth. By comparison, the Reds seem like world-beaters having won a World Series when I was 10 months old and having gone to the NLCS when I was five. I don’t remember a single pitch or touchdown from any of those games so I have not been able to enjoy those summer days at the ballpark or Sunday afternoons in the fall like many people have. 

Joey Votto, the Real Deal

With this in mind, optimism in Cincinnati must always be experienced cautiously. We know it’s just a matter of time before Carson Palmer blows out a knee or Al Leiter shuts down the Reds to win the Wild Card. However, it appears that for the first time in a long time, both the Reds and Bengals will be relevant. Both franchises have an exciting crop of young talent that figure to contend in their respective leagues for years to come.

The Reds turnaround started in 2008. A team that went 74-88 hardly seems like something to remember, but 2008 was the year Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, and Johnny Cueto became everyday players. Led by Votto’s MVP season, the 2010 Reds went on to win their first division title since 1995. After a mediocre 2011 season, this year’s version of the team appears poised to recapture the division crown and make run in the playoffs as Jay Bruce continues to improve, Johnny Cueto becomes a bona fide ace, and Joey Votto continues to be Joey Votto. 

Billy Hamilton is so fast, it is amazing we found a picture of him in motion

The scary thing for the rest of the league is the Reds look like they could be getting even better. The Reds have already locked up Votto, Bruce, and Gold Glove second baseman Brandon Phillips long term. Rookies Zack Cozart, Devin Mesoraco, and Rookie of the Year candidate Todd Frazier will be solid contributors to the team for some time. While the Reds farm system isn’t deep after the trade for Mat Latos, it appears to have just the players the Reds need to fill some holes on their major league roster. Tony Cingrani, who made his major league debut Sunday throwing 3 innings and striking out 5, appears to be the top of the rotation left-handed starter the Reds have coveted for so long. He should pair nicely with Johnny Cueto and Mat Latos to make a formidable trio of starters. Reds farmhand Billy Hamilton could become one of the most exciting in the Majors in a few years. Splitting time in A and AA ball this season, Hamilton set a minor league record stealing 155 bases while sporting an on-base percentage of .410. He should fit nicely at the top of the Reds order. Fans in the Queen City think the Reds could be contending for World Series like the days of the Big Red Machine over the next handful of years.

Last year Green was a HUGE fantasy sleeper for me, So good, I hope he can duplicate this season

The Bengals have long been the laughing stock of the NFL. The Bengals players became more well know for spending time in the Hamilton County Jail than playing meaningful games in December. The Bengals have shown signs of life beginning off and on since 2005 but have never put together good seasons. Things are changing for the better, though, with the additions of Andy Dalton and AJ Green. Bengals fans are hoping for a Peyton Manning-Marvin Harrison type relationship for the young stars. The offense should continue to make strides this year after lagging behind a top-10 defense the last few years. Key to the Bengals success has been finally stringing together a few solid drafts. Aside from the Green and Dalton picks, the Bengals have added key contributors like DT Geno Atkins and DE Carlos Dunlap in later rounds.

This incarnation of the Bengals inspires a much more positive vibe in Bengals Country. As much as players like Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson/Ochocinco contributed to the franchise, they were part of a losing culture that needed to go. These young players have brought in a new era of Bengals football. Assuming, and this is a big assumption if you follow the Bengals, that they continue to draft well, the team should ascend into the ranks of their division’s best the Ravens and Steelers.

Smart money will be to take all I just said with a grain of salt. It’s entirely possible the Bengals are picking in the top 5 of next years draft and the Reds continue to play second fiddle to the St. Louis Cardinals. Such is the life of the Cincinnati sports fan. For the time being, however, days are a little sunnier in the city by the river.

-Andy

Five Things You Need to Know about the Carolina Panthers this Season

It was a Sunday night, and I had just cracked a cold one. My Fourth, to be exact. I was watching College Football, and while more entertaining the Candian football which I watched last week, the college game still makes me jones for Pro Football. I'm also probably one of the biggest Panthers fan you will meet, so when I talk pro football, the Panthers are the Sun around which all other teams orbit. You follow? So want to follow the team? Want to impress your friends with five well-informed thought points? Sure you do, and here are the five most important things to know about the Panthers going into the 2012 football season.

1. Cam Newton is an absolute superstar. Say, hypotetheically, you don't watch football (shame on you). Even the untrained eye can appreciate the biggest guy on the field also being the fastest and most elusive guy on the field. In a league full of some of the most superior athletes on the planet, Cam can make them look like they are standing still. Over 4,000 yards passing and 700 yards rushing plus 35 overall touchdowns are Madden-like stats that actually happened. As a rookie Newton was arguably top 10 at his position, year two promises to be even better.

Go on and try to stop that man.

2. Ryan Kalil, the teams center, took out a full page ad in the Charlotte Observer last month proclaiming the Panthers would win the Superbowl. Safe to say optimism is high. The Panthers performed reasonably well last season under rookie head coach Ron Rivera to finish with a 6-10 record. Going from missing the playoffs to superbowl would not be completely unprecidented, but certainly not very likely. Even still, win or lose, the Panthers will be reminded of this statement all year. So confidence is high, but so are expectations. How will a young team fare with that weight?

3. A couple exciting rookies are in the mix. Rookie middle linebacker Luke Keuchly seems unspectacular at first glance, until you hear his name called on a tackle on ALMOST EVERY PLAY. Carolina made the two-time national leader in tackles the #9 overall pick in the NFL draft, and if he stays healthy he will start for the Panthers for a decade. He will be an interesting player to watch because where he is truly gifted is in football instinct.

Now 3a, if you will. Joe Adams, return man out of Arkansas. As much as I would like to describe his skills in detail, I'll save it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, how much is a video worth? I think about things like this. Anyway watch, and you will understand why he will be fun to watch.

4. The defense has a shot to be better than last year, but could still be terrible. Carolina gets a few starters back, including DT Ron Edwards, and LBs Jon Beason and Thomas Davis. Beason, when healthy, is an All-pro. Davis also has the skills, but who know how much he has left after a third consecutive ACL tear on the same knee (ouch). Last year teams could run, pass, or score off special teams against the Panthers. For Kalil's superbowl prediction to have any legs, they can't give up as many points.

***As a note, I find shouting at your television is most helpful on defense.

5. Offensive Coordinator Rob Chudzinski is a play-calling savant. OK, so you can't actually watch Chudzinski (Though with all the camera angles from NFL network, presumably a 'coaches bathroom cam' is on the way), but his plays are inventive, and more importantly utilize the best weapons on the team. Johnathan Stewart and Deangelo Williams on the field at the same time for the first time, EVER. Last year we saw some read option, traditional pro style pocket passing, end arounds, direct snaps, and all sorts of X's and O's junk that is only supposed to work in a video game. Or Little Giants.

Enjoy it, Panthers fans, because if the team executes like they did last season, he's getting a head coaching job, and soon.

So there you have it, five tips for your Carolina Panthers, but don't take my word for it and watch every minute of every game they play, and obsess over the details during the week like I do. Like normal people do...

-Joel

Lucky 13: Madden NFL Series Finally Produces a Winner

Are you ready for some Football!? It’s that time of year, pizza for dinner on Sunday nights, beer sales top the market shelves, and Sunday’s are devoted to a recliner and clicker in hand… Football season.

And with every football season (at least the last 13+) comes a tradition; a tradition started in 1999. A tradition many other young men, old men, and even some ladies follow. A trip to your local video game store and picking up the latest edition of EA Sports’ Madden NFL series. In the past, EA Sports’ was criticized for releasing another “roster update” if you will. The game played the same, the graphics remained lackluster, and no breakout features were introduced. This year’s Madden NFL 13, however, woke up the designers. Madden NFL 13 brings a blast into your living room with all new real-life animations and play calls, making it the truest in-your-face lifelike video game, that I forget is a video game.

Can Megatron beat the curse!

While some reviews may go into the new Connected Careers mode, or the other new features, I will stick with the main engine fueling this video game, the game itself. Highlighting these new features is the “Infinity Engine” which makes every play unique, every yard more intense, and player interactions more realistic. Now I will reveal some of my game play methods throughout the course of this review. But how I play the game is not a secret, it is 13 years in the making and always a developing system. I stay constant with one team (Dallas Cowboys) but never change my formula for success: ground and pound football.

New look jerseys look fantastic on the new game!

The running game was subject to controversy the last few years. Superman like abilities, running over D-lineman who are 100 lbs. heavier than your scatback, and diving 5 yards into the end zone are gimmicks of the past. This year, you earn a five-yard carry, actually fall when you run into someone, and grin every time you catch yourself rumblin’, bumblin’, stumblin’ down the sideline for a score. EA understood that not every running back is Barry Sanders or Emmitt Smith, and this installment executes a realistic, true-to-form, running back.

Now onto my other main gripe with pervious installments of Madden; defense. Defense wins championships, yes, but in Madden games, defenses play ten times better than their rating insists. This year, however, the defensive game play changed immensely. No longer does the “dive” button bring down the ball carrier. It may take two, or three, defenders to bring him down. And when the defensive players hit the ball carrier, the infinity engine actually makes the top half of the player bend one way, while the lower half bends the other depending on how they were wrapped up. Linebackers with 70 speed cannot catch-up to 90 speed wideouts anymore; defensive tackles swallow up little running backs like lunch when they come up the middle; and cornerbacks can not play seven feet tall. EA addressed all my concerns and I’m sold. Defensive plays like a defense should.

I mean common, is this a game or real life!

Some future things for EA to work on, the Xbox version introduced the Kinect way to play, but often time commands do not work. And the interface received a facelift, which does take some more time to navigate through, but you can not disagree with the opening video.. Ray Lewis’s speech represents this year’s Madden perfectly, “every moment is a new moment.” EA also did away with the fantasy draft feature, which is disappointing, especially for a particular roommate of mine, but I digress.

So, if you’re the type of Madden player who enjoys airing the ball out on every play, hoping your 6’5” wideout will catch it… go home. But if you actually enjoy a pound –for-pound gridiron battle, pick up this year’s Madden NFL 13. Well… we’re waiting…

-Brandon

5 Obscure Olympic Sports Update from Week 2

You've heard about Bolt, Women's soccer, and a slew of Kenyan runners, and even my boy Pistorious, who I wrote about before the Olympics started.  Well, back by popular demand, the obscure sports update from week 2 of the Olympics. 

5. Platform diving. What kind of dive can you do from 30 feet? The one where you stand on top of the platform for ten minutes like a little kid before eventually jumping feet first, holding your nose, and hoping your water wings hold up? Don't forget to clinch.

I don't really understand the nuances of this sport other than how much splash you make and that the Chinese girl is so much better than everyone else that its not close. What makes this sport intense though is what happens outside the initial action. This sport shows us that trash talk can transcend language. You climb out of the pool and join the other competitors in the hot tub. The crazy stink eyes and angry body language these divers throw back and forth is awesome, I never knew I could be intimidated by a 4'10 pixie. Jordan and Reggie Miller would be proud.

USA update: We stink at this. 

Also thanks to slowdown technology, you get crazy photo moments like this

I hope you respect my life choice, dad.  

4. Women's indoor volleyball. The amount of force and violence in this sport is impressive. Picture Serena Williams, stretch her out to 6'5, and have her crush a volleyball into some poor Korean's face. That's what USA volleyball looks like. You know the old manta: Bump, set, spike. Only in Olympics its bump, set, destroy. These girls are diving all over the place, have to pop up and are rewarded by getting to cram a volleyball down someone's throat. Baller. Besides the main girl from USA is named Destiny Hooker. Didn't make that up..

I can't watch the men's indoor. Look, if you are 6'10 or above, you should be playing basketball. Put your hands in the air, bother shots, catch lobs, and rebound. That's a 10 year career in the NBA if your 6'10. Know why USA basketball is weak inside (other than Coach K)? Because we have four guys at almost 7'0 who can jump out of the gym and are playing volleyball. Who let that happen?

USA update: Women: Gold. Men: Did not medal.

Kind of like NASCAR crashes without the car.

3. BMX racing. Count yourself among the many (myself included) who were unaware this was an olympic sport. It is what you're thinking. A bunch of grown men riding around a track on little bikes. Elicits words like 'extreme' and 'gnarly'. Only, yes, it is actually gnarly. The track looks like something you would design on excite bike on NES (who gets that reference???): wicked hairpin turns followed by jumps and, just because you are feeling particularly sadistic and enjoy watching the riders crash, that speed bump right where you are supposed to land.

Ever been water skiiing or wake boarding? You know how when you fall it kind of feels like concrete? Well these BMX dudes get those things going about 30-40 mph and are absolutely eating it on ACTUAL CONCRETE, and when you crash people drive over you.

USA update: Didn't we invent stuff like this?

This is NOT photoshoped.

2. Indoor cycling: If you were thinking: 'Joel only likes this sport because it looks like the indoor light cycles from TRON,' you are mostly correct. It is unbelievable to me how fast these guys can go on a bicycle. No part of the track is flat, so its kind of like Skateland USA if the track was titled at a 45 degree angle. Though they lack the dice game.

Anyway. One of the cool things about the Olympics, obviously, is that this is a collection of some of the greatest athletes in the world. As proof of that, these cylcists legs are so big they can barely fit into pants. Seriously.

1. NFL preseason football. Wait, what? You're telling me this isn't an olympic sport. Get out of town.

Again, I hear (and make) the argument all the time that olympic athletes are the best athletes in the world. USA won the olympic medal count, as we usually do, and we did it WITHOUT OUR COUNTRY'S BEST ATHLETES in competition. Aren't we forgetting something? A specific group of athletes who you could put in any sport and they would probably dominate.

Even as an olympic enthusiast, watching preseason football is better than a lot of olympic sports. The skill, altheticism and strategy far exceed most olympic sports. Looking at you sailing, marathon swim, equistrian, sychronized swimming, rythmic gymnastics, etc.

USA update: I love the USA as much or more than you, but can we please go back to being a country divided over sports? If you root for Atlanta, over the next 17 weeks you are my mortal enemy. If you are a Philly fan, your sandwiches taste like garbage, Rocky was a pansy, and your Giggles haven't had a defense since the early 2000s. Get 'em Cam. Come get some. 

Go ahead, pick your sport, guys like Vernon Davis will destroy you.

-Joel

Final Fantasy II: The Running Back

Ok, I promise to talk about video games even less in this one!  Well, I may not even talk about them at all.  I have been thinking about doing an all sports video game blog, I will save the video game talk for then.  For now, on to this post!

Last week we at Hammertime Sports highlighted the top QBs for the year in fantasy football.  This week, we hit the ground running with the Running backs that you would be silly to pass up!  The RB position is one of the most coveted on fantasy football rosters, so listen up!  I will preface with saying that there are quite a few decent backs who can get you quality points each week you can get later in the draft.  Look at your league settings for scoring and determine your draft strategy based on that.

5) Matt Forte, Chicago Bears.  Daaaaaaa Bears! Forte is finally getting the money he has been wanting and Cutler FINALLY has a weapon at receiver that can pose as a threat for a defense, so he will not be the only focus for opponents on game day.  Had roughly 1,000 rushing yards and 500 rec yards in his injury plagued season, I look for a good year from the Bears go-to back

4) Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings.  I understand he was hurt most of last year, but we talking about AP.  I know it was a bad injury, but we talking about AP.  Not Beanie Wells or Reggie Bush, but AP!  I know the image of Allen Iverson is in your head now, so let me replace it with AP!  Short of losing a leg, I am not sure anything will slow this guy down, injury or not.  What a great value pick for a mid-first round!

The Answer himself, "We talkin' 'bout AP!"

3) Arian Foster, Houston Texans.  I still think Schaub is an unproven quarterback.  Win something already!  Stop getting hurt!  This was a team that if they stay healthy probably goes to the NFC Championship and maybe the Superbowl.  If Schaub gets hurt again, which seems probably, that puts the man himself TJ Yates at the helm.  Consider that a guaranteed 100 yard game for Foster. Foster still plays with the UNDRAFTED chip on his shoulder, which I like.  If he can stay healthy, look for numbers better than last years totals of over 1,200 yards, almost 100 per game.    

Since my roommate is OBSESSED with this guy, here is a picture of TJ about to make out with another dude

2) Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens.  He had the third most rushing attempts last season in the NFL, and I would bet that trend will continue.  Look for another solid season with over 1,300 rushing yards and probably around 14 touchdowns.  They can block for the run and are just dangerous enough to cover the pass.  Plus with that D stopping people all the time, there will be plenty of possession time.  

1) Maurice Jones-Drew, Jacksonville Jaguars.  Lets face it, he has been the only option there for 2 years and will be even more this season.  40 more rushing attempts than anyone else last season and 1,600 yards rushing.  Wow. He was also the only RB to average over 100 yards per game last year.  This guys good!

Other than MJ-D, the highlight of going to a game in Jacksonville

-Matt 

5 Updates on the Most Intense Obscure Sports from the Olympics (week 1)

The Olympics are awesome because you get to watch and root for sports that generally only the people playing them truly understand. A ref blows a whistle and something happens? Whatever, go USA. 

You've probably heard about Gabby Douglas, Michael Phelps, Lochte, etc., but the obscure needs love too. Here are the top five sports from week one that were the best, most watchable, and most entertaining.

5. Badminton. Like the game your grandmother plays at the old folks home on steroids. Only Gramma would probably have difficulty with the 200 mph smash. Not an exageration. They jump in the air and spike the shuttlecock (gigity), and as soon as they hit it the thing disappears.. Whack, gone, whack, gone, whack. Point. Long points last about ten seconds, and there's plenty of "Hang on, what did I just see?"

And as an example of how much the Koreans and Chinese care about this sport, they were busted for intentionally trying to throw games, and it was obvious. 

USA update: Yeah this is the national sport in Korea...we have no chance. Eliminated early


4. Water Polo. Tread water for 40 minutes with a 6'8 230 pound dude spouting russian swear words and trying to drown you. Rise out of the water and throw a big rubber ball with a knuckling overhand motion. Sure there are rules you don't understand, but the slow motion shots where one guy takes an elbow to the face are pretty intense.


USA update: Awesome. Goal keeper Maril Moses could stop a bullet.

Ivan must break you

3 Judo. Does this look like a bunch of grown men (and women) taking their karate class at the YMCA a bit too seriously? It absolutely does. Maybe its the bath robe. Judo Trip! However I'm going to mention something to you that is going to change your mind about watching judo. Guam heavyweight judo-er Ricardo Blas weighs...ready for it?

Almost 500 pounds. So you're thinking he must be like 7 feet tall and that weight evens out, right? Nope. This guy is 6'1, and WEIGHS 485 POUNDS. The next closest judo competitor in weight is 6'4 and comes in around 300 lbs. That Blas can even stand without his joints shattering is impressive. Now Judo involves flipping or tripping or something like that, but can you imagine trying to throw THAT?

USA update: Won a womens gold, first in US history for Judo.

They make cars now that are lighter than this man

2 Olympic Handball. As best I can describe: Running ball hockey played on a basketball court with a softball sized soccer ball, thrown at a goal about the size of a little kids soccer goal. Strategy involves the 'diving throw' which looks exactly like it sounds. Now I've never played, but wouldn't standing still allow you to throw more accruately? Who cares, dive throw! Oh by the way no dribbling and it's defense is basically a shoving match.


USA update: Not in the tournament, American's everywhere go "What the heck is handball?"

Dive, throw. Dive Throw!

1. Tampoline. Yes, as in the bouncy thing where as a kid you would have sleepovers, get hopped up on Mountain Dew and see if any of your boldest friends could make it on the roof after a tripple bounce from your back yard. Sorry Danny, that may have been a bad idea. Only in Olympic Trampoline they are about 40 feet in the air on each bounce and doing flips/trying to maintain control of their bowels. It's kind of like diving except, you know, not into water.


USA update: Had one olympian in competion, didn't medal

Don't worry, the ground is down there somewhere

-Joel