Manti Teo, straight or gay?

Manti Teo got drafted by the Chargers, but the bigger story I keep coming back to is what he's gone through in the last few months.

Fair warning, this is about to get weird

Manti Teo was a story that I couldn't put down when it came out. This was one of the truly bizarre and unexplained sports stories that I have seen in my lifetime.

Put it up there with the Tiger Woods Thanksgiving night fiasco. Remember that one? Here's my version:

What happens when your Sweedish supermodel wife found out you were cheating on her with half of the USC cheerleading squad? Well naturally she gets thrown into a rage worthy of the Norse gods and started swinging your Nike-sponsored-seven-iron around like it was Mjolnir. So she goes all valkyrie on you and cracks you upside the head before smashing out the windows of your car. Can you imagine the string of Sweedish profanity that rolled out of her mouth that night? This is why the Englishmen got obliterated by the vikings in 1066. Naturally, your golf game suffers after this type of event.

More or less.

In my mind, I picture Elin Woods on that night to look something like this

But back to Teo. This is a story I can't shake, because we don't know the actual events. As you may have gathered, what I can imagine is often more entertaining than reality.

Here's what went down in a nutshell: Manti Teo carried on an exclusively online and over the phone relationship with someone he thought to be a woman for upwards of four years. Teo had a relationship not only with her, but with her family over the phone and was actively involved in her life. They would text, call, Skype, etc. before and after every game. He then cried on national television in a TV spot before a game where he was talking about how his girlfriend had cancer, and eventually died. This was heavy, inspirational stuff.

Only it turns out the girlfriend wasn't real. Or was played by a man. Or a troupe of dancing bears. Or something. Or was perhaps the most elaborate cat-fishing scheme in the history of ever. And apparently he continued to talk about his fake dead girlfriend (and gain publicity) after he KNEW she wasn't who he believed she was. And that's about how much we truly know.

I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid and his name was Shiloh.  We used to play checkers with each other every day and bless his heart, Shiloh'd always let me win!  And that ain't normal   There's something odd in that but maybe that's what it takes to make you feel like you're connected with somebody.  I don't know   But I know when that redhead starts getting kooky that something about me feels alive inside.

I think Teo got sucked into an unenviable situation and he didn't know how to get out of it.

The bigger questions to me though, is why and how he got sucked into this situation. I don't know Manti Teo or anything about him or his family, I'm conjecturing, on a situation I truly know nothing about first hand. But what do I think?

The only possibility that makes sense to me is Manti Teo is gay, and he might be struggling with it mightily. I'm also going to say I don't have a problem with it whatsoever if this is the case.

The first thought a lot of people had when they heard about the whole Teo deal was: why did an All-American linebacker at the University of Notre Dame need to go on the internet to meet a girl? Notre Dame is as steeped in football tradition as any school in the country. Rudy, the Kipper, Golic, and on and on.

RUDY! Get the idea?

You see, what had happened was...

Where I went to school, I witnessed a football program that won 5 games in my four years of attendance. This is not a joke. Even with a truly terrible football program like we were, there were (mostly freshman) girls who would throw themselves at any football player who would give them the time of day.

So Teo couldn't find a date on Notre Dame's campus? Why? Maybe he's shy, or awkward, but that doesn't really fit for a guy who's the face, heart, soul and voice of the most visible football program in the country. No, there's a loneliness there. He developed this relationship online because it was ultimately safe. He could express himself in a way he wouldn't be judged.

If you listen to the interviews and transcripts from conversations Teo had with various media outlets leading up to the national championship game, one thing is clear to me. He is in love with this "girl" he was talking about. As someone who's getting married in five months, I feel like I at least recognize what love looks like. Teo would wax poetic about staying up all night talking to this person, writing letters, sharing the most intimate side of himself. His feelings were 100% genuine, regardless of whether the person was real or imagined.

My question is then, if he was in love with a person who he had never met, never had any sexual encounter with anyway, does it make him less in love with that person when he finds out it is a man? Clearly this guy on the other end of the phone returned his feelings. Isn't that, attraction to the same sex, the single defining difference between what makes us straight or gay?

Further, why in four years did he never want to meet this girl? With all the resources at his disposal (and don't tell me Notre Dame wouldn't arrange for him to get out to see his dying girlfriend) At this point you could try to sell that perhaps he's one of the most naive people on the face of the planet, to the point of being child like, or maybe he's a pathological liar, or just freaking nuts. Any of those may be true, who knows.

I say he believed the lie because he wanted to. Because it was easier than facing the truth.

If I'm allowed to reflect: I can't fathom what it must be like to be gay. Like most straight men, looking at another man is a sexual context simply isn't possible for me. Being gay really isn't the point though, I imagine that comes naturally if that's the way you're wired. I've written here how much attention a college athlete, and let alone a Heisman trophy candidate at a major school receives. The pressure must be enormous, and add to that a struggle with figuring out who you are is enough to make anyone do crazy things. Ever had 26 million people watch one of your games?

At 21, which Teo is, you are supposed to be a seeker, supposed to find out who you are. Hell, at 27 I'm still seeking just as much, if not more than I was then. Find your place in the world and find what fits, what makes you happy and then go do that.

Can you imagine the backlash if he were gay? If it were you, how would you handle that in the face of the national media? In a culture that has not been wholly accepting (to put it mildly) of someone of an opposite sexual preference? Can you imagine if he had won? The first gay Heisman trophy winner. How's that sound?

The pressure would be tremendous from both sides. The gay community would expect him to be the champion to the cause, and he would face constant scrutiny from the dissenting opinions who are against such things. On top of this he's trying succeed as a football player, where so much of translating ability into production stems from having the self confidence to do so.

How easy is it to perform at a high athletic level when the world is watching? Ask Tiger.

I've come this far, so I might as well say it.

If what I've conjectured is true, and if you can see it any other way please tell me, it was easier for Teo to take part in/somewhat invent this elaborate lie because the scrutiny and pressure he would have faced by coming out would have crushed him. It still might. The machismo, bravado, whatever you want to call it, the perception around male athletics needs to change if it prevents someone from being who they are, preventing them finding out who they are.

The Tiger story calmed down, and this one has too. I really doubt we will ever know where his head was during this whole event, but its a conversation worth having. I truly wish him the best of luck in his career.

Unless, of course, he plays for the Falcons, Bucs, or Saints, in which case I will come up with all kinds of smarmy quips, as is part of my charm.

"There are 12 men on the field! Oh wait, we're not counting Manti Teo's imaginary friends."

THE VOICES!!!! AHHHHH!

-Joel