5 Obscure Olympic Sports Update from Week 2

You've heard about Bolt, Women's soccer, and a slew of Kenyan runners, and even my boy Pistorious, who I wrote about before the Olympics started.  Well, back by popular demand, the obscure sports update from week 2 of the Olympics. 

5. Platform diving. What kind of dive can you do from 30 feet? The one where you stand on top of the platform for ten minutes like a little kid before eventually jumping feet first, holding your nose, and hoping your water wings hold up? Don't forget to clinch.

I don't really understand the nuances of this sport other than how much splash you make and that the Chinese girl is so much better than everyone else that its not close. What makes this sport intense though is what happens outside the initial action. This sport shows us that trash talk can transcend language. You climb out of the pool and join the other competitors in the hot tub. The crazy stink eyes and angry body language these divers throw back and forth is awesome, I never knew I could be intimidated by a 4'10 pixie. Jordan and Reggie Miller would be proud.

USA update: We stink at this. 

Also thanks to slowdown technology, you get crazy photo moments like this

I hope you respect my life choice, dad.  

4. Women's indoor volleyball. The amount of force and violence in this sport is impressive. Picture Serena Williams, stretch her out to 6'5, and have her crush a volleyball into some poor Korean's face. That's what USA volleyball looks like. You know the old manta: Bump, set, spike. Only in Olympics its bump, set, destroy. These girls are diving all over the place, have to pop up and are rewarded by getting to cram a volleyball down someone's throat. Baller. Besides the main girl from USA is named Destiny Hooker. Didn't make that up..

I can't watch the men's indoor. Look, if you are 6'10 or above, you should be playing basketball. Put your hands in the air, bother shots, catch lobs, and rebound. That's a 10 year career in the NBA if your 6'10. Know why USA basketball is weak inside (other than Coach K)? Because we have four guys at almost 7'0 who can jump out of the gym and are playing volleyball. Who let that happen?

USA update: Women: Gold. Men: Did not medal.

Kind of like NASCAR crashes without the car.

3. BMX racing. Count yourself among the many (myself included) who were unaware this was an olympic sport. It is what you're thinking. A bunch of grown men riding around a track on little bikes. Elicits words like 'extreme' and 'gnarly'. Only, yes, it is actually gnarly. The track looks like something you would design on excite bike on NES (who gets that reference???): wicked hairpin turns followed by jumps and, just because you are feeling particularly sadistic and enjoy watching the riders crash, that speed bump right where you are supposed to land.

Ever been water skiiing or wake boarding? You know how when you fall it kind of feels like concrete? Well these BMX dudes get those things going about 30-40 mph and are absolutely eating it on ACTUAL CONCRETE, and when you crash people drive over you.

USA update: Didn't we invent stuff like this?

This is NOT photoshoped.

2. Indoor cycling: If you were thinking: 'Joel only likes this sport because it looks like the indoor light cycles from TRON,' you are mostly correct. It is unbelievable to me how fast these guys can go on a bicycle. No part of the track is flat, so its kind of like Skateland USA if the track was titled at a 45 degree angle. Though they lack the dice game.

Anyway. One of the cool things about the Olympics, obviously, is that this is a collection of some of the greatest athletes in the world. As proof of that, these cylcists legs are so big they can barely fit into pants. Seriously.

1. NFL preseason football. Wait, what? You're telling me this isn't an olympic sport. Get out of town.

Again, I hear (and make) the argument all the time that olympic athletes are the best athletes in the world. USA won the olympic medal count, as we usually do, and we did it WITHOUT OUR COUNTRY'S BEST ATHLETES in competition. Aren't we forgetting something? A specific group of athletes who you could put in any sport and they would probably dominate.

Even as an olympic enthusiast, watching preseason football is better than a lot of olympic sports. The skill, altheticism and strategy far exceed most olympic sports. Looking at you sailing, marathon swim, equistrian, sychronized swimming, rythmic gymnastics, etc.

USA update: I love the USA as much or more than you, but can we please go back to being a country divided over sports? If you root for Atlanta, over the next 17 weeks you are my mortal enemy. If you are a Philly fan, your sandwiches taste like garbage, Rocky was a pansy, and your Giggles haven't had a defense since the early 2000s. Get 'em Cam. Come get some. 

Go ahead, pick your sport, guys like Vernon Davis will destroy you.

-Joel

Final Fantasy II: The Running Back

Ok, I promise to talk about video games even less in this one!  Well, I may not even talk about them at all.  I have been thinking about doing an all sports video game blog, I will save the video game talk for then.  For now, on to this post!

Last week we at Hammertime Sports highlighted the top QBs for the year in fantasy football.  This week, we hit the ground running with the Running backs that you would be silly to pass up!  The RB position is one of the most coveted on fantasy football rosters, so listen up!  I will preface with saying that there are quite a few decent backs who can get you quality points each week you can get later in the draft.  Look at your league settings for scoring and determine your draft strategy based on that.

5) Matt Forte, Chicago Bears.  Daaaaaaa Bears! Forte is finally getting the money he has been wanting and Cutler FINALLY has a weapon at receiver that can pose as a threat for a defense, so he will not be the only focus for opponents on game day.  Had roughly 1,000 rushing yards and 500 rec yards in his injury plagued season, I look for a good year from the Bears go-to back

4) Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings.  I understand he was hurt most of last year, but we talking about AP.  I know it was a bad injury, but we talking about AP.  Not Beanie Wells or Reggie Bush, but AP!  I know the image of Allen Iverson is in your head now, so let me replace it with AP!  Short of losing a leg, I am not sure anything will slow this guy down, injury or not.  What a great value pick for a mid-first round!

The Answer himself, "We talkin' 'bout AP!"

3) Arian Foster, Houston Texans.  I still think Schaub is an unproven quarterback.  Win something already!  Stop getting hurt!  This was a team that if they stay healthy probably goes to the NFC Championship and maybe the Superbowl.  If Schaub gets hurt again, which seems probably, that puts the man himself TJ Yates at the helm.  Consider that a guaranteed 100 yard game for Foster. Foster still plays with the UNDRAFTED chip on his shoulder, which I like.  If he can stay healthy, look for numbers better than last years totals of over 1,200 yards, almost 100 per game.    

Since my roommate is OBSESSED with this guy, here is a picture of TJ about to make out with another dude

2) Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens.  He had the third most rushing attempts last season in the NFL, and I would bet that trend will continue.  Look for another solid season with over 1,300 rushing yards and probably around 14 touchdowns.  They can block for the run and are just dangerous enough to cover the pass.  Plus with that D stopping people all the time, there will be plenty of possession time.  

1) Maurice Jones-Drew, Jacksonville Jaguars.  Lets face it, he has been the only option there for 2 years and will be even more this season.  40 more rushing attempts than anyone else last season and 1,600 yards rushing.  Wow. He was also the only RB to average over 100 yards per game last year.  This guys good!

Other than MJ-D, the highlight of going to a game in Jacksonville

-Matt 

5 Updates on the Most Intense Obscure Sports from the Olympics (week 1)

The Olympics are awesome because you get to watch and root for sports that generally only the people playing them truly understand. A ref blows a whistle and something happens? Whatever, go USA. 

You've probably heard about Gabby Douglas, Michael Phelps, Lochte, etc., but the obscure needs love too. Here are the top five sports from week one that were the best, most watchable, and most entertaining.

5. Badminton. Like the game your grandmother plays at the old folks home on steroids. Only Gramma would probably have difficulty with the 200 mph smash. Not an exageration. They jump in the air and spike the shuttlecock (gigity), and as soon as they hit it the thing disappears.. Whack, gone, whack, gone, whack. Point. Long points last about ten seconds, and there's plenty of "Hang on, what did I just see?"

And as an example of how much the Koreans and Chinese care about this sport, they were busted for intentionally trying to throw games, and it was obvious. 

USA update: Yeah this is the national sport in Korea...we have no chance. Eliminated early


4. Water Polo. Tread water for 40 minutes with a 6'8 230 pound dude spouting russian swear words and trying to drown you. Rise out of the water and throw a big rubber ball with a knuckling overhand motion. Sure there are rules you don't understand, but the slow motion shots where one guy takes an elbow to the face are pretty intense.


USA update: Awesome. Goal keeper Maril Moses could stop a bullet.

Ivan must break you

3 Judo. Does this look like a bunch of grown men (and women) taking their karate class at the YMCA a bit too seriously? It absolutely does. Maybe its the bath robe. Judo Trip! However I'm going to mention something to you that is going to change your mind about watching judo. Guam heavyweight judo-er Ricardo Blas weighs...ready for it?

Almost 500 pounds. So you're thinking he must be like 7 feet tall and that weight evens out, right? Nope. This guy is 6'1, and WEIGHS 485 POUNDS. The next closest judo competitor in weight is 6'4 and comes in around 300 lbs. That Blas can even stand without his joints shattering is impressive. Now Judo involves flipping or tripping or something like that, but can you imagine trying to throw THAT?

USA update: Won a womens gold, first in US history for Judo.

They make cars now that are lighter than this man

2 Olympic Handball. As best I can describe: Running ball hockey played on a basketball court with a softball sized soccer ball, thrown at a goal about the size of a little kids soccer goal. Strategy involves the 'diving throw' which looks exactly like it sounds. Now I've never played, but wouldn't standing still allow you to throw more accruately? Who cares, dive throw! Oh by the way no dribbling and it's defense is basically a shoving match.


USA update: Not in the tournament, American's everywhere go "What the heck is handball?"

Dive, throw. Dive Throw!

1. Tampoline. Yes, as in the bouncy thing where as a kid you would have sleepovers, get hopped up on Mountain Dew and see if any of your boldest friends could make it on the roof after a tripple bounce from your back yard. Sorry Danny, that may have been a bad idea. Only in Olympic Trampoline they are about 40 feet in the air on each bounce and doing flips/trying to maintain control of their bowels. It's kind of like diving except, you know, not into water.


USA update: Had one olympian in competion, didn't medal

Don't worry, the ground is down there somewhere

-Joel

An American explanation of Soccer, and why you should hate Spain

For those of you who don't know me, this is Joel and I am awesome. Enough introductions? I'll be handling, in part, olympic coverage on the hammer sports blog. I write aclbomb.wordpress.com, where I chronicle happenings on knee surgery. Those who can't do, coach. Those who can't coach, blog.

I'm aware first impressions are important so I'll start with this: I'm an unabashed soccer fan. Played it, watched it, generally enjoy it. I also don't use hair gel or dress in women's clothing. Contradictions I know.

For starters the USA did not qualify for the olympics because we are truly terrible at this sport. It would be easy to tune this one out, but I'll give you a reason to watch it: rooting for Spain to lose.

For those who don't know, Spain has won everything in soccer recently by making the game as boring as possible. I get it why Americans hate soccer when they watch Spain. the average height on the team is 5'5, average weight 120 lbs. These are estimations.

Spain is kind of like Duke: they are the evil empire that runs a system most people despise that is efficient enough to win. Think of everything you hate (or love) about Duke basketball: triple screens for unathletic jump shooters. A college three point line is not all that far away, so coach K designs an offense around taking soft perimiter jumpers. Spain is like that for soccer. They win the majoirty of their games 1-0 because the other team basically doesn't get to touch the ball due to million of tiny Spanish passes.

One thing Americans hate about soccer: the passing. Think of the passing game in soccer as a two yard run in football. Possesion matters, and if defenders are standing in front of the goal passing is the only way to draw them out of position and open up space for your teammates.

Only most teams utilize this passing game like I was talking about, to open up your forwards. This just in, Spain plays NO forwards. It's literally four defenders and seven midfield players. Clog the middle, hold the ball, make sure your games more resemble the Swan Lake than an athletic contest.

If anything I would compare Spanish soccer to the four corner offense of the Dean Smith hey-day. Pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

But fortunately for me, and you, Spain lost early in the tournament, and won't compete for gold.

-Joel

Final Fantasy: QB Edition

Video game fans beware!  This is not a blog about Final Fantasy, the video game.  I actually never got into that game when I was younger.  I was more into the Nintendo 64 and games like Star Fox 64 and Super Smash Bros. (you know, the classics).  Even today, I would rather fire up the X-box over the PS3, but that is just me.  As a matter of fact, I am not really sure what exactly Final Fantasy consisted of.  I imagine it to be like a World of Warcraft, which I also never got in on, where you boss around a lot of wizards and gnomes and take them on a journey.  I am more of a 2K or FIFA or COD fan myself, and of course Halo was cool...but like I said, this is not about video games.

The real man's game, Fantasy Football, is upon us.  With most leagues being created now and drafts less than a month away, I figured I would combine two suggestions from Hammer Heads (aka fans of the blog) and rate the top 5 QBs to have this year in your fantasy league (thanks Travis and Joel for the idea, and congrats Trav on the engagement! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)

DISCLAIMER ALERT: Not every league has the same settings.  Some leagues may give more points to running QBs, in which case Mike Vick may be a wise choice.  Keep that in mind.

D-Wade and Lebron after a game winner against the Bobcats 

5) Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers.  He did things as a rookie that made even his college teammates shake their head.  He stood by his center when he made the claim of a super bowl win, and he will do his part to back that up this year.  Last year his QB rating was 84.5, completed 60% of his passes, was 10th in league in passing yards with over 4,000, and created an end zone celebration that has spread in popularity across all sports.  Oh, and he was second in the NFL (including running backs) in rushing TDs with 14, more than Adrian Peterosn, Ray Rice, Arian Foster, and MJD.  Also, 14 is more than DeAngelo Williams and Cedric Benson combined for last year.  If anyone is poised to overcome the traditional sophomore slump, it is Cam.  I mean seriously, the guy has his own Gatorade and Under Armour commercials.  Unstoppable.

4) Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions.  No one in the NFL threw the ball more than this guy last season.  He was second in total completions, completed 63 % of his passes, and was one of 3 QBs to throw for over 5,000 yards.  He has more weapons this year, including Ryan Broyles from Oklahoma.  The Lions also improved their line in the draft to keep him from getting hurt.  Still think he is not good enough to be here at #4?  Remember, his running backs are better at catching the ball than running the ball and, of course, he is throwing to Megatron!  Here, I have video evidence to prove he is the man!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mf2LfAjhsvE

3) Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints.  Now that the contract has been signed and the dispute is over, we can get back to what he does best, throwing the football.  I have him at #3 because he does not have his coach on the sideline, which could help or hurt his numbers.  Still, he was second in passing attempts last year, first in completions, first in completion % at over 70 %, first in yards passing, first in TD passes, and first in yards per game.  With his huge deal under his belt, look out for DREW BREEEEEEESSSSSSS.

2) Tom Brady, New England Patriots.  Second in the league in passing yards last year behind Brees, and doing it with his tight ends!  I am not sure how to explain it, but he gets the job done.  Not only would I start this guy every week, but I would start any of his top 3 tight ends every week as well!  Oh, and don't forget, he threw for over 5,000 and had fewer INTs than anyone else on this list so far.  He was also second in passing yards per game with 327.

1) Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers.  Was there really a question?  The guy that you would even consider starting during his bye week, Mr. Rodgers.  One of the most effective and precise passers in football, he had fewer INT's than anyone else on this list.  He had 45 TD passes last year, 1 behind leader Brees and a QB rating of over 122!  By far the best in the league!  He just gets the job done every week.  Consider him a lock and should be the first QB off the board in any fantasy league.

-Hammer